VirginityA House Crack fic
by hardxcandy16
Summary: House took Wilson's virginity and he isn't too happy about it. This is a crack!fic meaning it's supposed to be as stupid as it sounds. I wrote this for a good laugh.


Disclaimer; Of course, I don't own jack shit, as usual. I wish I could own House and Wilson in my bed, but sadly that's not going to happen. Oh well, maybe Chase is available? lol Anyways this fanfiction is stupid, and weird, and hopefully very funny to you guys. I wrote this at 8 in the morning after I watched House MD and it just sort of came to me. Hope you like it =].

Rated M for mature language and mentions of sex.

"House, what the fuck!" Wilson practically screamed at the top of his lungs in the middle of the hallway at Princeton Plainsboro. It wasn't like Jimmy to cuss, especially not in front of his co-workers. Well, he cussed, but he didn't drop the F bomb. Surprisingly enough, no one was surprised. House looked behind his shoulder, almost thinking of making a mad dash to the elevators. Only one problem, his limp and cane. Hell, a new born baby could out run his ass. He turned fully toward Wilson, holding back from laughing at Wilson's flustered face.

"What'd I do now, dear?" House asked gruffly.

"Oh you know what you did, you asshole!" Wilson yelled once again. House had never seen him this enraged. It was sort of turning him on.

"If this is your way of getting me in the mood it's working."

"That's all you ever think about, isn't it?! Fucking!" Wilson almost felt tear come to his eyes. "You stole my virginity, you basterd!"

"Who stole who's virginity?" Thirteen piped up in a interested tone. Foreman sighed as he grabbed her arm and dragged her away from the scene.

"I told you no more virgin girl on girl porn!" Foreman yelled.

"You don't own me!" Thirteen yelled back as they slid into the elevators. House just stood there, stunned. He honestly didn't know what to say or do.

"Jimmy, baby, you haven't been a virgin since you were twelve." House answered in a serious tone, and actually was serious for a change. Wilson groaned in frustration.

"You put it inside of me!"

"Oh! So I popped your ass cherry?" House asked with a broad smile. "Well well, I didn't think I was the first. I'm quite proud of myself."

"Proud? YOU'RE PROUD! This isn't the Gay Pride Parade in New Orleans, you bastard! I was drunk off my balls and you took advantage of me!"

"Oh God, Jimmy I did not take advantage of you. You apparently don't know how big of a man-whore you really are, do you?" House asked as he rolled his eyes. "You gave me the okay to do it!"

"What! I did not!"

"Yeah you did! You kept saying 'Shove that big dick in me', and so I did. See case closed."

"Did someone say dick?" Cuddy asked excitedly.

"NO CUDDY!" House and Wilson yelled toward her.

"Fuck you guys, okay! I'm a successful, independent, beautiful woman…….that's always single!" Cuddy ran away crying, her boobs bouncing in the wind.

"What all went down last night?" Wilson asked, finally calming down.

"Hah, you said what went down. You should've said who went down." House laughed, rubbing the scruff of his jaw. "Oh lord, I'm one funny bitch."

"You're a fucking pervert. " Wilson's anger rose again.

"Your point? You're worse than me Mr. I have three wives and I all cheated on them with House because he has an enormous penis that I like in my mo-"

"How am I worse?!" Wilson cut him off. "At least you weren't the one that got jacked off under a table at your mother's Thanksgiving party!"

"Oh my God, every fucking time with the Thanksgiving party. It wasn't that big of a deal!"

"You made me cum on your Uncle PJ's slice of pumpkin pie and told him it was Cool Whip!" Wilson yelled.

"Your point? The fucker had it coming. Pinching my ass cheeks and shit every year when he gets drunk. I'm a freak but I don't keep it in the family." House explained.

"It doesn't matter, and it doesn't take back the fact that you took my virginity." Wilson pouted his bottom lip, his blown dry bangs hanging over his beautiful face_. Lord, would he make a beautiful drag queen, _House thought to himself. He limped over to Wilson, pushing his bangs out of his face.

"Come on, Jimmy boy. You can't stay mad at me forever." House said in an annoying sweet voice that made Jimmy want to hurl.

"Yes I can, and don't talk to me like that. I'm your boyfriend, treat me the way I want to be treated." Wilson said, puffing out his chest slightly as if to intimidate House. House grabbed him by the collar, shoved him back against the wall, and pinned him there with his cane.

"You fucking little prick. Your damn bisexual that I took your virginity and you know what? I had every fucking right to. Get on your knees and beg for forgiveness." House let go of Wilson's collar, seeing Wilson go to the floor. He looked up helplessly at House.

"I'm sorry baby. I want you so bad, Master Cane."

"Good boy." House responded as he pet the top of Jimmy's head. "Come on, get up now. You can make it up to me in my office."

"But, " Jimmy started, "You're office is all glass. Everyone could see."

"That's the point. If I am to be blessed with this 10 inch of mine, I might as well share it with all of God's little children. Especially Chase." House smiled smugly toward Wilson.

"Okay, fine, but I'm not cumming in a Coke can and giving it to Foreman." Wilson said.

"Fine, fine, I'll do it this time. God, have to do everything around here." House said as he slapped Jimmy's ass hard. There day ended with them all laughing at Foreman and calling him a cum guzzling dickhead. Then Thirteen drank the rest and everyone had a hard on.

_~Fin~_

hope everyone got at least one good laugh out of that. see that button that says review? click and write down some shit =]


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